I’m 32, and I’ve been single for
the last 26 years. (I will spare you the details of my earlier love life!) I
hope to offer some encouragement to those in similar situations, and some
insight for those who married young and have no real concept of what being
single is like!
Just like marriage, singleness
has its pros and cons.
The biggest advantage is freedom,
and also time. I can go out for an evening, a day, even a weekend without needing
to tell anyone, let alone ask permission! I can make commitments without
considering the potential impact on my relationship. I can serve the church
extensively. I can use the bathroom for as long as I want!
But of course, being single has
disadvantages too. Sometimes it is harder to know where you ‘fit’ and belong. Think
about the activities you naturally do with your family …… celebrating
Christmas? Going on holiday? Eating out for a treat? Can you appreciate how
these events are more challenging when you don’t have a ‘go-to’ partner or
family? Loneliness is another potential problem, especially when living alone. For
example, simply watching TV is not as much fun on your own (especially bad TV
that requires derision!) And don’t worry, I’m not going to start writing about
sexual frustrations! … as this hasn’t been a concern for me. Neither have I the
strong desire to be a parent. But these issues are genuinely tough for some
people.
I’ve had times when being single
has felt like being unloved. Sure, my parents love me … but they love my
brother and sister too. Sure, God loves me … but he loves another 2 billion or
so Christians too! However, I am continually developing an understanding that
God designed me intentionally, made me wonderfully, knows me fully and chose me
specifically to be his child. Lucky me!
So how did being single at 32
come about? Did I sense a “calling” from God to be single? - No. Did I make a
“decision” to remain single? - No. The reality is much simpler - “the right guy never came along!”
Maybe I could have created
opportunities through on-line dating, but I chose not to invest the time and
money. I could have widened my options by considering non-Christian men, but I
chose not to compromise on this. I could have made more effort with my
appearance, but I chose not to bother! I could have worried about building my
future happiness, but I chose to embrace living in the present instead.
So maybe, indirectly, it was my
“decision” to remain single! But I don’t regret any of those decisions. They
were right for me. What can I can say, I’ve obviously got high standards!
So what now? The bible clearly
states that while singleness isn’t for everyone, it is recommended for those who
can thrive in that lifestyle. And I’ve come to recognise that if I don’t fall
into that category, then who does?! So when looking to the future, I am
choosing to stand on the truth that a life dedicated to the Lord will be the best
life that He’s got for me. He has plans to prosper me, not give me a
second-rate existence!
Everybody’s experience of
singleness will be different. I’m sure those who are single following a divorce
or bereavement have had very different challenges to mine. But we all need to
know the love of God and to trust in His good plans for us ….. even married
folk!
